I am Crying and very Happy

it's been long time I didn't cry in front of my friends. but today...It happened again, not in front of my friends,but in front of a police. long story friends.....

well, today, I still hoped I could go home with mb Fefri. before it, I went to Campus first to arrange proposal after I cleaned up the home. actually, I didn't has any interest to go to campus, I was scared seeing them together cause I knew it will make me hurt. so, although I saw them, I tried to not to face to face with them. and alhamdulillah...He gave me chance to focus on the proposal first before I was going to be crying over.

it was tearful enough when my lecture rather minded of my plan to go home today whereas my paper wasn't finished yet and needed to be corrected first. I thought so it is not polite enough to ask her to give correction and direction via e-mail,call,chat,whatever the media used to communicate in the long distance. so, though it's hard for me, I've decided to stay here for a while and I sent mba Fefri message that I couldn't go home with her right now, in fact, I sent her a message before, that I could go home now....hmm...so sorry...

I couldn't do anything at the time. I was confused, even I didn't know whether I smile or I cry. so stressed. after the direction was ended and asked Mr. Abbas' signature, I went back to Annida directly. I just wanted to see mba Fefri first before she went back to Pemalang by bus. seeing my friend could go to see her family, I became jealous and sad. I was a little bit crying witnessed by Angga in the terrace. I didn't care what he said...

I told to Angga and mba Fefri that I could pick her up to the terminal so mba Fefri didn't need to ask for Herlin's help to, cause opportunely Herlin was not so well at the moment. I thought mba Fefri started to worry seeing me crying at the time before. anyway, I accompanied her until Jombor Terminal, and you know what, we were rather on time, the bus was just startin to move and leave the terminal, but in fact He still gave her a chance. because of hurry, she didn't even have time to say good by to me, we were just shake hands at glance and then I saw her back leavin' me there.

I was really depressive at the time, I rode my motorcycle carelessly and didn't pay attention to the way. I was realized after there was a police restrained me. I was surprised. I thought I didn't do something wrong. but I know this game. the police told me that I banned the rule of one direction way in Jombor. Oh my God, I had no idea about it. but I didn't mind about my problem with the police at the time, I didn't care. I was just tired and stressed. it made me cry, I was crying over in front of the police inside post. yeah...I really cried there, with no friend beside me, alone. I asked sorry to the police and explained that I've just let my friend go, I hope he knew that I didn't cry because of the violation and the fine. I spent a lot of time waiting for my crying stopped. the police asked me about the fine I would choose. but I wasn't concentrate about it, then finally I chose to attend in the court in 11 March.

my first violation proof to the court

after going outside from the post, I was more crying over so bad, from the terminal to Campus. I couldn't make it stopped. the tears kept flowing on my face. I hope you don't think that I cried because of police, no! I just have complicated unfinished problems and I am really tired about it. 

you know...I think crying is not always bad. it made me forget about one problem, I was happy cause I believe that that problem was a main reason why my crying wasn't over. nevermind....I am happy I could cry...